Alinsky, Step Brothers, and sleep-deprivation

I want to talk about life. I know, it's a big subject, so I'll just focus on a small part of it. You know, the meaning part. I've been thinking a lot about this lately. No, I'm not dying, at least no more than anyone else is. I realize I am not an authority on life, especially considering mine has not been very successful thus far. At least not in the generally accepted sense of successful, i.e. I don't make $400,000 a year and own a million dollar home, but I think I'm doing okay.
I don't know where this is coming from. I can only surmise that it's a combination of working crazy, weird hours, reading Saul Alinsky, and watching "Step Brothers" again. Trust me, it will all make sense eventually... or it won't, and that's kind of the point.
Let's start with an old bromide, "Life is a journey". Well of course it is. It's also a battle, a bitch, a struggle, a joy, a highway, and a bowl of cherries, among many other things. It is what it is, or it is what you make it. I tend to fall on the side of the latter. I don't see life as a series of events unfolding around me. I am an active participant in my life. Everything that happens to me is a direct or indirect result of decisions and choices that I make. So why do bad things happen to good people? That question becomes irrelevant when you realize that things don't "happen" to you. If a nun is hit by a car, it's probably because she made the decision to cross the road at that particular time without looking both ways. The priest that hit her may have made the choice not to watch where he was going. In both cases, good people made bad choices, and the result was a tragedy, but nothing "happened" to either of them.
Once you accept the fact that you are the driving force behind the direction your life takes, entire layers of bitterness and anger simply melt away. If you didn't get the promotion you thought you deserved, it's not because your boss hates you, it's because you didn't do enough to earn it. You're not stuck in a bad relationship, you stay there because you don't leave. If you fail at something, it's not because you weren't good enough to succeed, it's because you gave up trying. To me, life is not a succession of trials and battles, but an endless stream of opportunities to grow, to learn, and to achieve. I realize there are flaws in my argument. For instance, no child chooses to be born to abusive parents. No person stricken by some genetic disease decides to contract those particular genes. You really can't choose your family. But that is the only caveat I will allow for now. In the end, the only absolute truth is, as my parents used to say "You have noone to blame but yourself".
So, about sleep-deprivation. Anyone that works for a living understands that there is work, and there is work. When the boss calls, you go. This happens to be the time of year when I make the most money, as well as work the craziest hours. I think, perhaps, there is a correlation between the two. There is a premium to be paid for entirely disrupting a persons life. I just wonder sometimes if the price is worth the remuneration. Then I remember that the price isn't really paid by me, and the remuneration isn't really enjoyed by me, and that makes it okay by me. My wife and children pay the real price. They are the ones that have to put up with my moodiness and lack of help around the house. They also get the benefits of the extra cash. So it seems like a fair trade. I get to act like a bastard with none of the usual guilt that goes with it. All it costs me is a little bit of my sanity, which I never had in great amounts to begin with. But it gets me to thinking about the choices I have made in my life. The jobs I have had, and have refused. The friends I have let go of, and held on to. The chances I have taken, and the chances I have not taken. Many people have told me that I have potential. For what, I don't know. Potential to me is nothing but unfulfilled promise, and apparently, I have that in abundance. Life is a journey, and I am nearly halfway through mine, with little materially to show for it, but when my sons tell me they love me, all my choices seem right.
Now to Alinsky. His contention, or one of them, for he was a very contentious man, is that life is a Sisyphean struggle. Sisyphis was the figure in Greek mythology condemned to push a boulder up the same mountain for eternity. Each day he would reach the top, only to have the boulder roll back down, forcing him to start over. I'm paraphrasing a bit here, but Alinsky claimed that, like Sisyphus, we are all destined to push a boulder up a mountain. the difference is that we are not doomed to start over every day. Sometimes, yes, we lose a battle. The stone rolls down and we are forced to start from scratch. But other times we reach the peak, only to find the mists above us recede, revealing yet another summit to reach. Another battle to be waged, another foe to vanquish. (a quick sidenote, for a self-professed pacifist, Alinsky used a lot of martial language in his writings. Adapting to the tactics of his enemies, I guess.) I think this is a perfect metaphor for life. There is always something else to do, some other battle to be fought, some other question to answer. The pursuit of happiness is a falsehood, true happiness is in the pursuit. Once we stop moving forward, we stop living.
So now we have the question, what is the meaning of life? Why are we here? Alinsky, who I will admit is far smarter than I am, has said that the meaning of life is in it's lack of meaning. Bringing chaos into some semblance of order is the true expression of humanity. Righting all wrongs, establishing social justice, and progressing to an everchanging ideal of utopia is man's fate. Never to be achieved, but never to be given up on. In my opinion, life is all about the small things. the little victories and defeats. Each event is a milestone, a bridge to the next occurence. Every situation is an opportunity to grow and to learn. If nothing presents itself, go out and look for it. Happiness is out there, either as an end, or as a part of the journey to an end. It's up to us to seek it out, and to recognize it as it's happening.
Where do we go for the answer? Well, we go to "Step Brothers" of course. For those of you who have not seen the movie, it's almost as entertaining as "Hot Rod", but with a little more social relevance. Basically, it's the story of two overgrown adolescents, 40-year-olds still living with their parents. When their parents get married, they become, at first, mortal enemies, and then, fast friends. Towards the end, Mr. Dobak, Dale's father, gives a speech about his childhood. He laments the fact that Dale and Brennan (AKA Dragon and Nighthawk) have been forced to give up their essential beings in order to be considered "Grown-up" even though he was the catalyst for it. He tells the story of his childhood. He had always wanted to be a T-rex. He made his arms short. He frightened all the kids in the neighborhood. He was a T-rex. Then one day, his father told him it was time to put away all his childish fantasies and become a man. He relented, with the promise that one day he would return. He would go back to trying to be a dinosaur. But over time, he forgot how to do it. He had lost the ability to be a dinosaur. He couldn't get it back, and he hated the thought of Dale and Brennan losing their inner dinosaur, their inner child.
So, what is the meaning of life? What is the answer? I don't know. I only have questions. I told you I wasn't an authority on the subject. For those of you who sat through this inane rambling, I apologize, but it was your decision. I would also like to offer this. "From the mouths of babes comes the wisdom of the ages". I don't know if that's a quote from anything, but the quotation marks give the statement a certain gravitas, don't you think? All I know is, I am not finished yet, but this post is. I would like to end it with something profound, but all I keep thinking is what my 4-year-old keeps asking.
"Why Daddy, Why?" And the answer is...